The years from junior high school through early adulthood can be tumultuous. They can also be very embarrassing. These years are characterized by increasing freedom coupled with a lack of wisdom and clear thinking and lots of peer pressure to do stupid things that may seem reasonable to do at the time to the immature mind.

As my sons were navigating those years, we adopted this saying, “Don’t be that guy.” We all know people who are “that guy” – they rise to a level of ignobility. Sadly, they also are found among church leaders. More sadly, they can cause harm to the flock that God has entrusted to their care and leadership. It’s something to talk about.

I have been heavily involved in church and church leadership for all my adult life, including the last 12 years serving as the director of church health for EFCA West. I have seen the best in church leaders and, unfortunately, some of the worst in church leadership. I have done dumb things, too, so I’m not writing from a “holier than thou” viewpoint.

Why do leaders do dumb stuff? When leaders in the public eye fail (think big church leaders, authors, conference speakers, etc.), the causes are well documented. But I’m writing about more “normal” church leaders, folk like you and me who can slide under the wider public radar. Our dumb behaviors don’t get as much publicity as the moral failures of big-church leaders. But they are something we should be talking about.

Here are some of the dumb things I have seen in my years of church leadership and working with churches and their leaders. Why do these things happen, and what should we be doing to prevent them – it’s something to talk about with your leadership team.

Don’t be the “I can do it myself” guy.

Consider this scenario. The church board or pastor are facing a difficult decision or need to make a really important decision. They don’t seek outside counsel, and their decision doesn’t go well. Later they call the district to seek help in cleaning up the mess. Why do boards and pastors make decisions so often without seeking external counsel? Who are the counselors for you, your team, and the board? How often do you consult with them? Are your counselors limited to your friends?

Don’t be the “We’re looking for an excellent Bible teacher” pastor search team guy.

A church of 350 attendees or less has started its search for their next lead pastor. The number one entry on their what-we-are-looking-for-in-pastor-next list is an “excellent Bible teacher.” They find their “excellent Bible teacher” pastor only to realize, months or a year or so later, that the foremost skill they should have been looking for is an “excellent shepherd.” The key to church leadership in smaller churches is strong pastoral skills. The Greek and Hebrew words for “pastor” refer to a shepherd – there are perfectly good words in the original languages for “teacher.”

Why do we focus so much upon teaching rather than shepherding (which includes the feeding of the flock from Scripture)? Pastors (or pastor-teachers) need to pastor and teach. I wonder if there is a reason why the word “pastor” comes first in “pastor teacher.” Don’t be that guy who diminishes the need for church leaders to shepherd the flock of God entrusted to them. Our sheep need to be doers of the word and not hearers only.

Don’t be the "super-disciple-maker guy who thins the struggling sheep from the flock".

The church calls a pastor, and the church (or just the pastor) decides that the church is filled with “weak disciples” who then become the target of the teaching. The church of 350 people “grows” over the next few years to about 150. There are no errors in the preceding sentence and, yes, I’ve seen this happen way too often. I’ve too often seen pastors who have fed their flock “deeply” to the point of insolvency before they move on to some other place, leaving the mess to others to clean up. Don’t be that guy.

Don’t be the “Pastors should not make friends within the church they pastor” guy who has no friends.

Yes, pastors likely need some close friends and confidants outside of the church they serve. But what does the flock see when their pastor has no real friends in the church? How is that an example? Sure, some friends within the church will turn against the church leader and have a nasty exit, but that also happens to most of us from time to time. It is certainly necessary to choose friends wisely, but how weird is it to say we love the church we serve but no one in it can be considered a close friend? Don’t be that guy.

Don’t be a "pastor-who-will-not-move-on" guy.

Everyone has a time in their life when they are no longer at their prime and on the decline in one or more essential functions of church leadership ministry. It’s important for church leaders to know where they are on this continuum because when one is no longer at their prime, they are, well, no longer at their prime. Most strong leaders can still do well for some years past their ministry zenith if they understand where they are on the continuum and take measures to compensate for areas of decline. But we all reach a time when our continued leadership is no longer helping the church thrive or grow. Generally, with age there begins a correlation between the increase in the age of the leader and the overall effectiveness of their leadership. Oftentimes this is seen in the congregation whose average and mean age demographics indicate that the church has not passed on the faith and ministry to following generations. Unless it is a ministry specific to seniors, a church that fails to pass on the faith and ministry to succeeding generations is in its death throws. Some people won’t leave until the church is death-imminent – don’t be that guy.

One reason that pastors often stay way too long in their role is that they believe they cannot afford to retire. The reasons? Generally, they failed to adequately save throughout their work lives, or they withdrew from Social Security, or both. Younger leaders, pay attention! Don’t be that guy.

Don’t be the “let’s pay our pastors and staff as little as possible” guy.

Why don’t churches and their boards insist that there be a retirement fund arrangement for their church pastors and staff? I typically suggest that if a church cannot adequately care for a staff member’s financial needs now and into the future, they cannot afford to have that staff member. It’s unwise to inadequately provide for the financial needs (including eventual retirement) of church staff and it eventually hurts the church. Don’t be that guy.

What are some other things that you’ve seen in church leadership that allow one to shake their head in awe or disbelief because of the foolishness it revealed? Let’s covenant with one another to not let our leaders become “that guy” – it’s something to talk about.

Let us know if we can help and how your conversation goes. Contact Bob Osborne by e-mail at bob.osborne@efca.org. 

This is one of a series of articles intended to facilitate and guide church leaders’ conversations about significant issues that often are not talked about among pastors, boards, and church leadership teams. Visit the EFCA West website to see prior Something to Talk About articles.