My wife and I enjoy some different things related to travel. I tend to like the transportation aspects and the being there; my wife likes the being there but the transportation aspects not so much. As a result, a few of my travel adventures in recent years have been solo. I longed to do a transatlantic cruise on Queen Mary 2 from England to New York; my wife, not so much. So, a few years ago, I sailed alone, buoyed by my wife’s encouragement to do so. 

That is where I first became alert to the concept of “double occupancy.” For the uninitiated, cruise ships book cabins based upon “double occupancy.” For simple math purposes, a cruise costing “$2500 per person, double occupancy” means that it is based upon the assumption that there will be two persons in the cabin, each of them paying $2500, or $5000 for the cabin. When I researched fares, I found that the listed price for the cruise listed at $2500 per person "double occupancy” rose considerably the moment I indicated there was only one person sailing. Yep, the price nearly doubled – it was much closer to $5000 than to the $2500 I had first seen.

The cruise industry has tried to assist solo travelers by creating a few “solo cabins” (often located in undesirable places or smaller “inside cabins” with no view and no window. The industry seems to be content with offering a significantly less satisfying travel experience for solo travelers than for pairs. Simply put, cruise ships were not designed for solo travelers.

A few years ago, it hit me. Are churches and their ministries designed for “double occupancy”, or do we offer the same “church experience” for solo travelers as for those traveling as doubles? The more I inquired into this, the more I became convinced that this is something to talk about.

A quick internet search yields somewhat conflicting results, but most studies indicate that at least 30% of the adult population in the United States is single, unmarried, widowed, divorced, or otherwise unattached. And, like those of us attached to another, they need the Gospel and to be discipled.

At the 2025 EFCA Theology Conference, I had the pleasure of sitting next to my EFCA friend Andrea Tyson who serves women in ministry as a member of EFCA’s North Central District. She navigates church and the EFCA as a solo traveler, and this became the focus of our conversation. What is it like to travel solo in the church and how might churches become solo-traveler friendly? Her answers were enlightening and convinced me that, for church leaders, this is something to talk about – not just a single conversation, but an ongoing one.

Here are some ideas to get your conversations going.

•  Do you know who the unattached people in your congregation are? Are you aware of each of their stories? Have we inquired about their circumstances and how the church might serve and disciple them?
• Do we have any singles involved in visible leadership? If not, are there single people in our church that meet the standards for godly and mature leadership in scripture that we should develop or invite to serve as leaders? Do we platform them?
• At our sit-down events, do we always have tables for 6 or 8, or occasionally 5 or 7? What might it feel like for a single person to eye even numbers of seats and realize they’re going to cause an empty seat at that table?
• As leaders, do we naturally invite single people to after-church lunches, social events, etc.? If we do not, can we expect those we lead to do so?
• Do our stories and sermon illustrations most often seem to focus upon marriage or family things, or do we include some that focus upon the lives of single people and those with no children?
• Are we intentionally including singles in our equipping/discipling events? Would a single person (or two…) feel welcome and valued in our small group strategy? Is it a “Grandparents’” seminar or a grandparenting seminar? The first may communicate pairs while the second does not.
• When we consider forming a diverse group to serve as a team or focus group, do we intentionally look to include singles as a group to consider?
• How do we describe our church? Do we say, “we are a family church?” Or do we say, “we are a church family.” These come across as different ideas, the former possibly indicating it is a church for “families” and the latter that we are brothers and sisters in Christ.

I asked Andrea for some better ideas for asking people about themselves that do not assume that they are single or married without making that specific inquiry. Here are some of her suggestions:

• After asking someone’s name, ask, “Tell me about yourself.” The person can share what he or she wants to share which may or may not include family relationships. they want to share.
• “What do you spend time doing during the week?” Note that this is open-ended and does not focus upon work, which could be embarrassing for an unemployed guest.
• “It is nice to meet you. What brought you here this morning?” This can open the door to a spiritual conversation or the Gospel.
• If you are in a larger church, consider asking how long someone has gathered at the church. Sometimes someone is new and sometimes not. It can be helpful to follow up by asking, “Are you as connected as you would like to be?”  You get to meet someone in a status-neutral way and may get an opportunity to go deeper.
• Does our equipping ministry include equipping people to engage with guests in an understanding way? Have we trained staff, greeters and other key leaders how to do so?

It is easy for us to be blind to the life situations of people unlike ourselves. We want to include all our brothers and sisters and invite them into the larger family of God. I married my wife when I was 22 – I have never been a single adult as we dated for two years before marrying. Thinking of the singles among us throughout my leadership journey has been a shortcoming for me that I am seeking to develop. Has it been one for you or your church? That’s something to talk about.

Let us know if we can help and how your conversation goes. Contact Bob Osborne by e-mail at bob.osborne@efca.org. 

This is one of a series of articles intended to facilitate and guide church leaders’ conversations about significant issues that often are not talked about among pastors, boards, and church leadership teams. Visit the EFCA West website to see prior Something to Talk About articles.