A week or so before Easter, I asked a friend of mine to come to church with my wife and me. She said she didn’t want to.

This is not a close friend. She is a person that lives nearby who I have seen regularly over a decade or two as our paths crossed while taking our individual morning walks around the neighborhood. Yes, a couple of decades ago we were both running around the neighborhood, but now we are walking. 

She has had a tough life, and there were some ongoing difficult things going on in her life. Her emotions were fragile. What better opportunity for me to offer some hope?

So, I did. I spent time listening to her, empathizing with her, and spoke briefly about my faith in Christ. Since Easter was coming, and we always encourage congregants to invite people to our Easter services, I did. And she said “no.”

But I went further and asked her if there was a particular reason for not wanting to go. And there was – and it was a big reason for her.

You see, years before she was a waitress and she hated working on Sunday afternoons because that was when church people came to eat – lots of them. Sunday after Sunday, she continued, the church people were extra demanding, rude, dismissive of her, and terrible tippers. Why would she want to hang out with them?

I had the usual answers at the ready – don’t judge the great composer based upon a musician’s lousy performance, the church is filled with imperfect people seeking the follow the perfect Son of God – you know, that kind of stuff. But I quickly realized I had but one option. I told her how sad it makes me and God to have his people behave poorly toward others. And I apologized and expressed my hope that I had never treated her that way. I’ll try to invite her again someday.

As we strategize ways to help our people grow as disciples of Jesus, how can we train them to not act like the stereotypical “church people” that occupy space in my friend’s mind? That’s something to talk about.

Here are some things you might discuss with your team.

• When we speak to our church about sharing the gospel, do we remind them of the everyday witness of their lives and interactions? Unkind behavior toward others on Monday does not help its victim respond positively to the gospel later that week. Do we teach about our behavioral witness in conjunction with our verbal witness?
• Do we ever speak about our responsibility to always represent Christ well – perhaps especially when we are wearing “Christian” regalia or sporting crosses? They are more than jewelry – they represent Christ.
• Should a Christian be a “good tipper” or an angry or cheap tipper? We often don’t think about what that might mean to someone who watches us pray before eating. Have we thought about being generous? Or does the concept of tipping anger us?
• What is our relationship with household workers, contractors, gardeners and the like? Do we see them as people who need the gospel or not give a second thought about their eternal destiny?
• What are our members like in their workplaces? Years ago I was invited to attend a small employee Bible study at a jail facility where I worked in a management capacity. When I arrived, I was disappointed to see that those attending were not thought of as our best employees. Rather, they were the whiners and complainers. I spoke briefly to that issue and how we as Christ followers may not be the smartest or most skilled, but we should be the best people to work with. I was never invited to that Bible study again.
• In II Corinthians 5:20, Paul describes Timothy and himself and their ministry as being “ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us.” Should all believers view themselves as ambassadors for Christ, too? If so, we represent Him at all times – and in everything we do. How do we teach the church to represent our Savior well at all times? Are we doing anything intentionally, or assuming it will somehow happen and be effective without being intentional about it.

I hope that someday I’ll ask my neighbor the same questions and that she will say “yes” and will be interested in learning about Jesus, my Savior. I hope that she will find other Christ followers that will exhibit His love, kindness and compassion to her and thereby give opportunity for the Holy Spirit to draw her toward God. And perhaps allow me to be used to bring her to a place where she trusts through faith alone in Christ alone unto salvation.

And I hope that I can be the same in giving another Christ follower the opportunity to see another lost soul come to saving faith in Christ by how I treated some stranger. And that’s something to talk about.

Let us know if we can help and how your conversation goes. Contact Bob Osborne by e-mail at bob.osborne@efca.org. 

This is one of a series of articles intended to facilitate and guide church leaders’ conversations about significant issues that often are not talked about among pastors, boards, and church leadership teams. Visit the EFCA West website to see prior Something to Talk About articles.