Sound Advice for Seasoned Marriages

Marriage is an institution that takes two sinners with different personalities, backgrounds and expectations, and permanently binds them. Media glorify the “falling” part of love (the term itself highlights its brevity) while ignoring or disparaging the “remaining” part of love. When you add the public and private pressures of ministry, it’s no wonder that all of us need help sustaining the joy of marriage.

Justin Smith is a gentle voice drawing on decades of personal experience and active listening to exhort ministry couples to, in his words, “strengthen your ministry marriage, build a community of mutual care and grow together for the long run.” Unlike many manuals intended for newlyweds, Together for Good will have the most impact on seasoned marriages of ministry couples.

Structured in seven “sessions” intended for couples to work through together, Together for Good’s first session identifies 14 stressors common to ministry couples. Readers rate their stress levels in each area, then discuss their results with each other; the questions nudge us to be specific about the frequency and circumstances of the problem. This session alone might take some couples more than one meeting to work through, especially if the habit of checking in with each other regularly has faded.

The reflections in session two on divine power working through our human weakness establishes the theological context in which ministry couples serve. Smith sets a good foundation for humbly acknowledging and embracing our mutual limitations and failings before working through the rest of the book.

The remaining sessions cover topics like identifying red flag warnings of general unhealth, prioritizing together the key disciplines to restore spiritual health, focusing on the attitudes that foster strong marriages, and building a healthy community of care. On that last point, who would know better than ministers that our faith is communal and that certain sins multiply when we are isolated from others?

Several times, Smith refers to research or surveys he conducted, but we think it would have been beneficial to hear more about the systematic way he gathered his information, who he surveyed and perhaps how couples were impacted by his work.

Smith does include historical case studies about John and Molly Wesley, Charles and Susannah Spurgeon, and William and Dorothy Carey, which are alternately sobering and encouraging. They put flesh on the bones on Smith’s wisdom, weaving his themes into the details.

Together for Good is peppered with insightful reflection questions for individuals and couples. Each chapter and each case study end with such questions, which help readers apply the material to their own marriages and ministries. Smith’s approach is so gentle—even when his questions feel pointed, personal or inescapable, the spirit of grace infuses them.

Often, we in ministry are caught up in caring for our congregations’ many needs—including caring for their marriages—that we put our own on autopilot. Together for Good would be a wonderful way for us to honor God and each other by giving our marriages the attention they deserve.