The Fellowship of the Fab Five

Twenty years ago, my wife Stacy and I found our community. Affectionately known as the “Fellowship of the Fab Five,” we have walked through life together during the last two decades. We are a gathering of current and former youth pastors and wives—Cory and Heather Shreve, Phill and Sheri Hall, Kyle and Emily Schmitz, Jamie and Pam Buchanan, and me and Stacy—that first connected at Rebound (now Renewal), an annual EFCA retreat for youth pastors and their spouses to reconnect with God and each other. 

In those early days of ministry, Stacy and I didn’t fully understand what the demands of ministry would require or how a community of friends would help. To start my first full-time ministry position—at Marshall Free Church (EFCA) in Marshall, Minnesota—we’d moved our young family four hours away from everything I knew. I was learning the ropes of navigating ministry while being a father to two young daughters. Stacy and I also struggled to prioritize time alone, so when I heard about this retreat, we were all in.  

We booked our flights, lined up our parents to help care for the kids and journeyed down to Clearwater Beach, Florida. While the retreat did allow us to unwind and relax, it also provided a significant unexpected benefit: we found our people. 

For some reason (perhaps because we were all from Minnesota), the five of us couples bonded quickly and easily. The retreat gave us a space and a place to build memories and deep friendships, the kind that establish roots and stick around for life. Suddenly, Stacy and I had friends who would enter the trenches with us in unique ways. 

Through the connections and refreshment at Rebound, all ten of us began to prioritize this annual trip. On top of great teaching, worship and Q&A panels, we had downtime to laugh. One year, we all attended a line dancing lesson, and another, we hopped aboard a dinner cruise on “The Little Toot” (a name that had us laughing for years). 

One year—on one of the retreat’s free evenings—the five of us guys packed into a convertible rental car with the top-down, hungry and looking for food. It was midnight, and the only store open was a donut shop. As we went through the drive-thru, my friend ordered donuts while the rest of us laughed and made jokes. When we got to the window, the cashier stood amazed to find five youth pastors just trying to get a late-night snack fix. 

In the end, the silly times brought us closer together. We learned that the art of having fun is sometimes a rare gift. But when you establish a deep and good friendship, shared laughter (almost to the point of tears) is one thing that happens often and brings the group such joy. 

Although we didn’t realize it at the time, Stacy and I found our people at Rebound. During the last 20 years, we’ve celebrated the births of children, mourned the losses of parents and siblings, journeyed with new jobs and shouldered burdens with each other. Most powerfully, we have all shared the unique blessings and challenges of pastoral life. Through the highs and lows, we’ve supported each other and acknowledged the impact of ministry—positive and negative—on ourselves, our spouses and our families. Although we’ve had gaps in connection over the years, the rooted friendships continue to show up when we need them. 

Every August, the Fab Five plans a weekend together. We bring air mattresses, anticipate forced family fun and enjoy a lot of amazing food. More importantly, we know there will be laughs, tears and connections regained that will give us comfort knowing we are not alone. Every year, we leave feeling the gift of being together, being known and deeply knowing each other. 

In a dark season, as I processed a hard transition out of a long-term ministry, I looked forward to that annual August gathering. That weekend with the Fab Five offered me a place to feel heard, hear wisdom from others who had walked a similar journey and be free to wrestle with the unknowns. 

For more than 20 years, the Fab Five has sustained me and Stacy as we’ve walked through ministry. It reminds us we are not meant to live life alone. God gave us others with whom to walk. Maybe today you can take a minute and think about your people: Who are they? Who is already doing life with you? Who do you need in your community? How might you develop your own community? 

Like I found by saying yes to attending Rebound, may God surprise you in an unexpected way as you find your people.  

Registration for Renewal 2024 (Nov. 8-11 in Clearwater Beach, Florida) closes on September 30. Learn more and register.