Gabe Gutierrez: I Thought God Had the Wrong Guy

I came from Calvary [Chapel Association]. That's where I built my roots. But the church I'm at now—Ohana Christian Fellowship (EFCA) in Kapa’a, Kaua’i, Hawai’i—has always been a part of my walk. My parents, my family, they all go there. I used to go, but I tuned it out—in one ear, out the other. But the day God finally got through to me, it happened at that church.

I knew "what God said" regarding homosexuality, but I took a blind eye. 18 years. I was that typical prodigal—running away, running from God, feeling like I was made differently. Why would He make me this way? But God. After running into wall after wall after wall, I finally came to a point—August 18, 2021—where I said, "I give up" and surrendered all.

I started doing Bible studies with my mom. I went to church for the first time in years. The senior pastor was preaching on Romans 1, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. By this time, I had already developed a relationship with Jesus, and in my mind, I thought I could have my cake and eat it too. I wept the entire service. I knew God was speaking to me.

Of course, my flesh fought it, but then a couple days later, I did a Bible study with my mom. It was on 1 Corinthians 6, and when I hit verse nine, it was very evident. In that moment, I left everything. I was going to get married. I had a fiancé. I had a house, a career, everything. I left it all in one fell swoop and trusted that what God had for me was better. Since then, He's just made it ever so clear that it's not going to stop with just that. He wanted me to be able to be used and give hope, at the very least.

Now looking back, I don't know why I would ever doubt. It's been incredible, incomparable to anything I ever hoped for myself. I think 1 Corinthians 2:9 is so true: "'What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived'—the things God has prepared for those who love him." And we get to experience that now. We get to taste it now. I am such an advocate for that because I'm living it.

It's funny how God works. I didn't like the church. I despised the senior pastor. I never saw myself living on the island of Kauai. I hated it. Everything I thought I didn't like, God showed me it was actually what I wanted and what brought me joy. Now, I have this incredible relationship with my senior pastor. He's like my mentor, my big brother. I can confide in him for anything. Funny how a few years can go by, and God gives me a new heart.

After I gave my life to Christ, I knew I'd eventually end up in some form of ministry. I made this declaration, "Lord, I give my life to You. Do what You want. Do what You please." I never thought it was going to be youth ministry. When the call came, I was like, "You have the wrong guy."

I was never in youth group. I knew nothing. I still don't know anything. I wrestled with it for a while, and God took me to Jeremiah. When Jeremiah was called as a prophet, Jeremiah 1, he used that same argument, "But Lord, I'm but a youth. What do I know?" And He's like, "No, I will put the words in your mouth. You will stand before men and not be afraid." So, I said, "Okay, I'll go. I'll walk."

Ever since then, it has been an incredible journey. I truly believe God gives you a heart for the things He's called you to, and He gave me a heart for these kids—to see them develop and grow from not having any clue, to seeing God pour His Spirit upon them, and eventually seeing them flourish and thrive. This year was the first moment where I got to see, from beginning to end, a student coming to faith, developing and growing, becoming a leader, and then graduating. And it hit me. I had this moment like, "Wow. That's incredible that I got to witness that." That was all Him.

That's what brings me joy, getting a front row seat to see it all happen. It all comes full circle in just one moment. Because admittedly, there are a lot of times when I'm like, "What am I doing? Are they even listening? Do they even get it?" They're nodding, and the next thing you know, they're just right back to doing exactly what we talked about not doing. So I really, really appreciate those few in-between moments where I see the evidence that God's doing something. Those "But God" moments.

At the center of it all, it's just the love of Christ. That's the foundation. That's what we all lack. And through that love of Christ, we find our true identity, which is in Christ. It doesn't matter whether it's the deception of LGBTQ or the deception of the world. We all, prior to Christ, found our identity in something untrue, until we realized our identity is actually founded in Him and who He says we are. No matter who's in front of me, whether they're a youth struggling in life or an adult who believed their entire life that they were made differently, at the end of the day, it's the love of Christ.