Starting the Conversation Now

God Gave You the Body He Wanted You to Have 

By Lindsey Ayres 

“What is birth control?” 

The question came out of the blue over dinner. Panic set in. Where did she hear that? We were tempted to brush it off or overreact, unintentionally teaching kids not to ask anymore. These everyday conversations, though, could be opportunities to proactively celebrate God’s gift of sexuality. That is the basic premise of Rachel Gilson’s new book, Parenting Without Panic in a LGBT-Affirming World. 

Gilson writes about this complicated issue in an impressively concise book that models a calm, encouraging tone. She begins with God’s positive vision: the goodness of gendered bodies and the goodness of both marriage and singleness. Later, she adds a discussion of our fallen nature, reminding us not to be surprised by broken sexuality, in the world or our own kids. The other chapters give strategies for communicating God’s positive vision, especially in a world that affirms LGBT instead.  

Throughout, Gilson offers concrete advice, even short scripts, for parents to model engaging with these topics. The advice caters to younger kids (two- to 10-year range), though that doesn’t mean the principles can’t apply to older kids. For more concrete suggestions, especially for teens, Jennifer Kvamme’s book, More to the Story, could be a next step. 

One of Gilson’s suggestions, though, gives me pause: telling kids, “You can trust your body.” She clearly contextualizes this as a response to the cultural pressure to question gender. She excels at these simple statements in other places, but this one gets the emphasis in the wrong place. 

For example, my son has a genetic condition that affects his muscle movement. To tell him to trust his body wouldn’t make sense, as the parts of his body fight against each other. What I can tell my son is that his body is objectively good––not because it can be trusted in appearance or function (it can’t), but because it is a gift, and God is a trustworthy gift-giver. Gilson does say this in the book, but it gets lost in the emphasis on bodies alone.  

Better to say: God gave you the body He wanted you to have (Psalm 139:13-16). This is not an easier conversation––especially in light of genetic abnormalities or disability or even chronic sickness––but it’s a more truthful one that emphasizes the goodness of God amid suffering.  

Don’t let this criticism steer you away from the book, though. The guiding principles are great to pass out as a first step for parents. But don’t just pass it around church.  

Also, plan to have church-wide family conversations to help disciple kids about sexuality. Gilson acknowledges parents will have other questions after such a short book. This is where the local church comes in, the place God created for believers to walk with each other through the hard task of discipling children. Is your church ready to have those dinner conversations? 

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A Roadmap for Unexpected Minivan Conversations 

By Morgan O’Keefe 

After returning from living abroad for two years, my young kids and I were delighted to drop by for our first summertime farmer’s market in June. It took 30 seconds for me to realize we landed in the middle of a Pride rally, while my kids remained blissfully unaware. The conversation we had in the car afterwards was one for which I felt unprepared, and I left wondering how I could do a better job the next time. 

Parenting Without Panic in an LGBT-Affirming World by Rachel Gilson is the kind of book I wish I had read sooner. While it is short and far from exhaustive, it begins a conversation that Christian parents need to be having early and often.  

My only help in that rushed, unplanned conversation was the conversational threads we’d begun previously. In that moment, I pulled a few of them together in new ways, but the work was largely done beforehand. I wondered if it was enough. 

To my relief, it’s this kind of approach that Gilson proposes in her book, knowing most of our important parenting moments come without warning. She names a basic set of conversational threads that will be needed in discipling our kids in this area of life and suggests practical opportunities in which parents can weave them into daily life. The key: start now. 

First, Gilson names foundational conversations that must take place about God’s good design for marriage and singleness, anatomy and sexual reproduction. Next, she explores sin and fallenness and the redemption available through the kingship of Jesus and the help of the Spirit. Finally, she offers encouragements and wisdom on how faithfulness (or not) to Scripture in this area will affect the relationships of everyone involved (parents, children and the wider community). 

This roadmap of conversational threads was helpful to me. Gilson covers ground that may seem obvious at times, but I found that reassuring because I’m often afraid of missing something obvious. I also discovered new ways I could build on future conversations with my kids, and I finished the book determined to start practicing. 

Her chapter on body anatomy and sexual reproduction was well-handled, despite being one of the hardest to implement as a parent (does anyone find sex talks easy?). Part of its effectiveness was in giving simple soundbites that parents could memorize and lean on when caught off-guard. I wish there had been more of these simple soundbites for other topics in the book, as it is too easy for parents to say too much or too little in hard conversations. 

Some chapters had helpful suggestions about where and how parents can naturally weave a conversation thread, lay that foundation and let it breathe. Others didn’t have many, and I sometimes was left wondering how I could make that “come up.” 

All told, Gilson offers a helpful primer on how to prepare for those unexpected minivan conversations.